


mode, mean, mead, median

by handschuhmaus



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Darth Plagueis - James Luceno
Genre: Gen, Lace, Sith Shenanigans, Sith family, explosion in a rainbow factory the Coat, gratuitous sartorial description
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 22:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17857763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: A Sith family adventure involving kidnapping, comic books, funnel cake, political plots, and grand theft TARDIS...





	mode, mean, mead, median

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unspeakablehorror](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unspeakablehorror/gifts), [Adsecula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adsecula/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Deciding Factor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7720096) by [planningconquest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/planningconquest/pseuds/planningconquest). 
  * Inspired by [Little Lost Maul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044029) by [unspeakablehorror](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unspeakablehorror/pseuds/unspeakablehorror). 



> what's here so far was written in a single go, inspired by the Sith needlework(!) in Deciding Factor, a comment someone made regarding the lack of exploration of Tenebrous's association with anarchists (also coming in "navy bean soup..."), and I don't even know what else.
> 
> may contain some... political allusions. Also awkward Muun flirting.
> 
> btw, Spectra is an existent APS comic book heroine.

"Does everyone know their roles?" Tenebrous asked, surveying the group of Sith. They appeared to be a motley group, whom almost no one would guess had any association.

The tattooed Bith wore loose striped, sailor like garments that suggested he was a space gangster, showing off the intricate scrollwork on his arms which managed to look intimidating and hide secret Sith symbols at the same time. And there was a small ten year old Zabrak, covered in superhero branded attire, rumaging in the architect's messenger bag to find sunscreen. 

Plagueis looked elegant, if perhaps a little eccentric, in light damask walking robes topped off with both Sith sigil embroidery around the symbol filled lace collar and an intricate and feather light shawl, which seemed to give off an aura of power and darkness, thanks to the Sith wearing the patterning. If the Jedi could consider their everyday plain clothes a dedication to the Force, the Sith could dedicate arrangements of quaintly named motifs like peas, strawberries, cats' paws... to their servant and benefactor. And despite the similarly patterned and thematic damask, he was subtly disguised just enough that no one would assume he was Hego Damask. Sidious and Tenebrous had agreed that the floral patterned stockings which peered from under the short hem of the robe were ...a bit much, but they could not dissuade him.

It was Sidious who looked actually ridiculous, in a take on the latest planetary fashion. Without the _coat_ and its requisite porg lapel pin, the attire might have been tolerable. The calf high boots had cuffs embossed in a maze that was barely disguised sigil wards, and the irregular wales in the rather tight rust corduroy trousers were tied into a Force direction for disguise. Even the crazy-quilt waistcoat, for which he and Damask had worked out a stitching sequence that concealed further sigils binding the wearer to the Force on the obverse, behind the lining, was something he might wear, albeit not in connection with the other items. The non-Sithly coat, though--many panels in a dozen different patterns, the lapels in rose pink and navy little matching the mustard and avocado green dominating the rest of the coat--that was decidedly preposterous fashion he had no interest in. To make matters worse, underneath the coat he had strapped on a baby carrier holding an infant who was wearing Yoda branded hat and footie pajamas, in hopes of reinforcing his disguise as a moderate (if extreme in tastes in fashion) reporter, researching the political gatherings that were going on in the midst of bucolic fields of a primarily agricultural planet.

"I certainly do," acknowledged Plagueis, holding out his hand to young Maul, who took it and tucked the sunscreen into the Muun's bag. 

Sidious only sighed and glanced at Maul, who nodded eagerly, and flashed a thumbs up at both his adoptive Papa and Tenebrous before extracting a comic book from his bag. 

"Child, you will do fine. You _are_ a dandy, if one with typically better taste than this," Tenebrous said wryly, and squeezed Palpatine's shoulder over the strap of the carrier.

"Are you going to have fun with the anarchists, _grandpa_?" Sidious retorted impudently. When the two older Sith merely looked at him with amusement, he asked "And what are we going to do about the baby?"

"See if he has any family left at some point," Plagueis answered, reached out and squeezed the tiny hand comfortingly.

"Indeed. I'll have to do my best to protect him. I can't say I like playing this character." Sidious sounded preoccupied, which did not seem entirely fitting for the persona he was playing.

"Just think like me, apprentice mine" Plagueis instructed with a laugh.

"You keep an eye on Maul, Damask." Palpatine nodded towards his adoptive son.

"We'll be careful, Papa, and I bet we can bring you an ice cream at the end of the day," Maul said, without looking up from the comic book cover.

With that, the Sith parted ways, Tenebrous heading to a row of food stands from which were emanating delicious smells even at this early hour in the morning, Plagueis and Maul to a rival political meeting their research has shown to have Jedi funding, and Sidious with his infant companion to join a meetup converging around said meeting as a supposed reporter.

* * *

"Is _this_ the planet you've mentioned before?" Peri asked conversationally, as the Doctor locked the TARDIS and activated the chameleon circuit. She was not sure if she was reassured at all by the ship's choice of one of the surrounding vehicles as a disguise, compared with her typical if here incongruous London police box shape.

"What, here? No," said the Doctor vehemently. "I'm quite certain I've never mentioned this place before. It's not especially interesting at most times, but the TARDIS caught a report of a kidnapped child, and I was in the mood for fairy floss."

Peri stared at the Doctor's lapel pin of the day, which the TARDIS library had previously explained as a 2000s phenomenon called "Can Haz Cheezburger" or something like that, and wondered whether to mention that she couldn't see a connection between these items.

"Lead on, Perpugillam, and keep an eye out for an infant in the company of an old man--well, old alien."

* * *

For once, Maul was much less conspicuous than Plagueis; there might not have been any other Zabraks among the crowd, but his Master Sunlighter gear fit in far better than Damask's finery here. Most of the adults were wearing drab jackets that seemed practically like uniforms, although a few wore Master Sunlighter shirts, or even socks or hats, or ones with other heroes from the KRS N'T comics. 

"My ah--something between godson and grandson, family of a dear friend, who unfortunately could not be here--hospitalized--but asked me to bring him," Plagueis explained briefly, taking a seat near the back of the room.

"Maybe you'll learn something," said a particularly grizzled human, looking pointedly at the fine, soft shawl. A pair of Muuns he placed as minor IGBC functionaries and brothers shot judgemental looks at the Sith.

To himself, Plagueis frowned. He could sense that, especially with his presence cloaked, as a precaution, the sigil induced aura was doing little to affect this crowd; they were too set in what they wanted to think. 

But before long the first speaker stood up, and the two Sith sat through a frightfully repetitive speech which expressed adulation for the Jedi Order and conviction that more power should be given to them, and dissent (especially messy dissent) quelched.

The older Sith hid a second and more serious frown at this idea, his mind wandering to the circumstances of their acquiring the infant (Tenebrous, with luck on their side, surprising and knocking out a member of the very Jedi Council in the spaceport terminal, as a caf clerk told Plagueis what a shame it was that another child was being taken.). As soon as he gleaned what the speech was about, he encouraged Maul to practice mental communication by relating the comic book plot (Master Sunlighter and the Temple Treasure) while listening with only half an ear and a carefully blank expression. Though moderately more interesting, Damask could not quite approve of the fact that Master Sunlighter read like Jedi propaganda.

"We're breaking for lunch," one of the other Muuns informed him as the attendees got up en masse. 

"Even if you do flout custom, you don't want to eat with us. You're not one of us," the other said, glaring at Maul, and the comic he had opened. 

Damask only considered this briefly before deciding that they would take the suggestion. Besides, Maul, given the food he was raised with, would probably enjoy something that didn't sound to their liking at all when, if you listened closely, they had denounced certain foods and preparations as unbefitting of "cultured and enlightened" peoples like themselves.

* * *

Palpatine glanced grimly through the notes on his pad, fervently wishing he had somehow shared Tenebrous's assignment. Eclectic dressers they might be, and they complimented him, an off-worlder, on his simulation of the style, but they reminded him annoyingly of Cosinga Palpatine's political circles. Elitist and the worst kind of conservative, even if they didn't share the grim and almost military mien of the crowd tramping down the street upon release of the main speaker's event.

He was sitting in the fresh air, in the shade of a ginko tree with the baby lying beside him on a blanket, free to kick and roll a little when not confined to the carrier but confined by a mild, innocuous Force compulsion to the bench top. Half his mind was on where to get warm water to mix formula, as he could tell their tiny Force sensitive was growing hungry. 

It was, relatively, a peaceful moment for Sidious. Which was roughly shattered with the one second premonition of a roundhouse kick directed at his ear. He dodged, threw the encumbering coat to the ground and readied himself for a passibly civilian martial conflict. But a second attacker arrived, and by the time he had broken that one's arm and lain the thug who went around kicking fops in the temple on the grass with a punch to the jaw and a dose of Force suggestion--there was a noise behind him and he turned to realize that the infant was nowhere to be found!

* * *

Tenebrous made his way down the row of food stalls, trying to acclimate himself to a once, if no longer, familiar atmosphere, until he was stopped by a friendly "Hey!" He turned around to see a Besalisk he had met years ago in political circles. She wore an apron dusted with flour and was inside a stand with a skinny Twi'lek whose lekku were wrapped inside a headscarf. 

"Nome, what are you doing here, you old bastard?" she asked. 

"Frankly--" he admitted, rapidly recalling that she was a touch Force-sensitive, although not what her name was, "trying to stop a disastrous premonition."

"And do you know what it is, yet?" she asked, pulling up a huge bowl and scooping the batter contained in it into a squeeze dispenser.

"Not precisely. But you--we have enemies here."

"Sure do. I might have plenty of disagreements with the people in the next tent, but--" she laughed merrily "I do know they have no interest in the kind of destruction those... loyalists are considering. Ironic, isn't it? But we quickly dissuaded you of that, right?"

"Yes, well--" Tenebrous broke off and blushed slightly. He also felt the vibration of his comm in his breast pocket. "This is--awkward, but I don't actually remember your name."

"Ris," she said easily. "Rugess Nome, this is Lizzie. Lizzie, this is Rugess Nome, an old pal of mine. An architect, but mostly of ships."

"I'm getting a call," Nome said ruefully, as soon as he had given the Twi'lek's hand a perfunctory shake.

"Well come in, or you'll be trampled by the second breakfast crowd. And once you're finished, you can make funnel cakes, right?" Ris opened the side door of the booth and gave him a very quick half hug. 

"I--probably," he agreed, having never made funnel cakes specifically before, but assuming they couldn't be harder than pancakes and frying doughnuts.

"Rugess!" gushed the voice over the comm "Your personal beacon says you're here on planet; we've got to catch up after the gardening show!"

He could not think what to say for a moment, then placed the voice as Tema, Hego's mother. "I--didn't know you were interested in gardening. Or that there was a gardening show." 

"Oh, I'm here with Sina, my--well, Caar's first wife, and my stepdaughters. Girls' vacation, but since her birthday's a bit intimate of an occasion for me, I won't be wanted tonight."

"Tema--be careful. There might be danger we haven't discussed." He weighed whether to warn Hego that his mother was on planet; he was not sure his protege would care to explain the disguise in situ.

"Alright. I have to be going anyway. Have fun, whatever you're doing."

The Bith's mouth twisted; he was not anticipating most of this venture being fun, considering that trying to return a child claimed by the Jedi had gotten mixed up with a plot they were concerned about. He hadn't figured on funnel cake, though. Then again, his teacher's and sheltered parents' concepts of political extremists had never suggested that he might be trying to prevent the bombing of a peaceful if lively anarchist gathering.

* * *

"Kidnapper! Kidnapper!" The breathless cries of an elderly woman dashing after a shady looking man naturally caught Peri's attention, while the Doctor perused information at a street tourist kiosk.

By sheer luck, the man running with the baby caught one foot on a tree root and fell into a middle-aged couple who were standing around watching the local analogue to a squirrel climb up the tree. The man on crutches used one to catch the kidnapper's leg, while his partner confidently caught the infant and turned to the woman, offering her his other arm in support. 

"There he is," said the old woman, who didn't seem quite human, pointing at ...the Doctor? 

The Time Lord now turned around and accepted the baby with a startled expression on his face. 

"Now you be careful, young man," she said, and Peri willed the Doctor not to pompously object to the form of address.

"Usually everybody keeps an eye out for others, even visitors," expressed the baby's rescuer.

"But there are strange types around these days. I can't blame you for the child's getting snatched: I don't know what you could have done. But gods keep you both safe!" the lady told them before abruptly walking into the adjacent cafe. 

The man headed back towards his partner, pulling out a ...portable phone unit to notify the authorities that they were holding the kidnapper.

Unusually, the Doctor had stayed silent until now. "Peri, we must find this child's guardian," he declared.

"I know, Doctor," she said glumly. "I know."

* * *

Plagueis and Maul found a tent that was serving drinks and food, and ordered muja juice and a spicy but anonymous stew for Maul, with a pint of sweet golden melomel and a surreptitious currant bun for Plagueis, in recognition that most Muuns did not eat in public and doing so might endanger his disguise.

"What a lovely shawl," someone said from behind him. The Sith spontaneously decided to invite this appreciator of fine clothing to sit at the table with them, and was surprised to see another Muun, probably somewhat younger, with wire-frame spectacles perched precariously at his nose and a slightly less ostentatious outfit of long coat, trousers, and shirt, topped with a colorwork shawlette.

"Yours is quite nice too," Damask said, surprised at his own awkwardness. He took a sip of his drink.

"What's this?" the other Muun asked Maul after a fidgety moment. "Master Sunlighter!?" he identified with affected indignation. "You don't want to be reading that!"

Maul looked at him with a curious and yet knowing stare. 

"Whatever do you mean? And who are you?"

"Kohlnap. Benja Kohlnap." he extended a long and elegant hand to Plagueis. "And it's blatant Jedi propaganda."

"Hey!" Maul exclaimed, with some irritation but mostly surprise. "You switched out my comic books!" He accused Kohlnap.

He in turn put on a mournful look. "Guilty as charged." he admitted airily. "But I think you'll find this media more worthy of your attention."

"Are you a magician? A stage magician, I mean." Plagueis said, with continued lack of his typical aplomb.

"Only casually. I work in the medical instruments industry, and sometimes I find slight of hand inspirational. Designing tools and automated systems, not meddroids, though. Most people seem to expect that." The Sith's eyes lit up with interest. Perhaps then Kohlnap had an interest in biology. A member of the waitstaff passed by, carrying several mugs for refills, and Kohlnap tapped the man on the arm as he passed "A half pint of mead, please."

"A half pint?" Hego asked half-teasingly, staring ruefully at his own glass and for once questioning his drinking habits.

"I don't often drink in the day. Or much at all. And I'm slender, so, a lightweight," but Benja's face crinkled with amusement. After his drink arrived, he clinked glasses with Hego, then with Maul's nearly empty juice glass, although the boy was distracted.

"Alright. But I don't think these are published by KRS N'T." Maul hypothesized, paging through a thick and glossy comic. 

"They're not!" Kohlnap exclaimed, and put his hand over Hego's. It suddenly dawned on him, with a pulse of his hearts, through the rest of this mundane explanation that they were flirting. "My sister-in-law is a professor of materials science so my older nieces got copies of an educational comic put out by GPS."

"The... 'Galactic Physics Society'?" Maul read out uncertainly from inside the front cover.

"Precisely," he answered, with a broad grin. "Would you mind if I had a closer look--I mean, and touched--that lovely shawl?"

Damask took an emboldening gulp of melomel. "'Exchange is fair play,' they say?" he tried teasingly, and carefully spread one edge of the shawl over his arm to display it over the table, while keeping it away from the potentially sticky drinks and any imperfections in the table itself that were apt to snag it. 

Kohlnap shrugged off his own shawlette and placed it more carelessly on the table by Plagueis, before poring over the lace covering the Sith's arm. Hego used his other hand to spread out the patterning of the colorwork, trying to think how it seemed familiar.

"What is this design; I've never seen this pattern before?" Benja fingered the lace appreciatively.

"I have--arcane interests," Damask admitted, and immediately segued into "AGTCG--no, CAGTA... That's the--the congenital cardiopathy gene they discovered last year! And--" Kohlnap blushed and stroked the soft and delicate yet sturdy lace even as Hego deciphered the other band of colorwork patterning "this--this is about population dynamics, are you up on that field then? I haven't done the reading I'd like to recently--"

There was a silly smile on Kohlnap's face now. "You like technical biology?"

"I mean--I'm merely an amateur, really, but, yes!"

He blushed and lay his hand over Hego's again, only for a tone to sound from his pocket. "Call me, please, although--I didn't get your name? I have a holoconference and can't stay for long."

"I'm here semi-incognito" Plagueis admitted "But Hego Damask."

Kohlnap blinked in surprise (apparently he had heard the name), but recovered quickly enough to lay the pilfered comics on the table before Maul. "Have your comics back, kiddo." He quickly keyed in a contact share command on his comm unit and touched it to the one Hego proffered, letting his shawl fall naturally again. And daringly, Benja drained his glass, leaned over, and lightly kissed Hego's cheek--and touched foreheads, which was astonishingly intimate.

Damask handed him back the shawlette, then watched him walk out.

"You've got a boyfriend!" Maul chimed teasingly, although without as much glee as he imagined some children had. Might not be a bad thing actually, he thought. He had gone out with a banker for a little while, but they had not been very well matched, sharing only a taste for certain cultural events (and not quite the same ones). Plus, she hadn't liked his hobbies, biology or arts related, and she had taken an instant dislike to Palpatine for no good reason, apparently and inscrutibly because he possessed a leaking bag of lentils (a decidedly inoffensive foodstuff!) when she first saw him. This dislike more baseless than Cosinga's was a dealbreaker, even though it had been the best relationship he'd had since he had recognized in his 30s that he wanted a mere datemate more than a spouse or traditional partner. But at least Kohlnap and Maul seemed to get along...

* * *

Ani wasn't sure about this new adult. They understood how to hold a baby. But didn't sound like Mom, didn't sound like _Sidious_ , didn't sound like the adult who had let Ani sleep all up against his chest. Which was not like Mom either but the rhythm was different here. _Lub dub lub dub lub dub_ Ani expected, but this adult...

There had been a lot of new adults in the past few days, and no Mom. Although Ani liked _Sidious_ and would not mind if **sometimes** he were there instead of Mom. If Mom came back. 

Ani didn't like the small green thing or the men who grabbed babies, either of them. Except the one who had handed Ani to this particular adult, and the one who had lots of strange pictures on him, they were alright, maybe. 

The adult began to sang a song to Ani, and quickly seemed more likeable. Even if he went _lub lub du-dub..._

* * *

"But what _are_ we looking for?" Qui-Gon demanded of his erstwhile master, studying the group gathering in a highly decorated, many-windowed hall.

"I know no better than you," Master Dooku pronounced, wondering if there was a ago that sold analgesics anywhere nearby. He was getting a headache. "Only that it is small and highly valuable. I don't know if we're looking for a data chip, a dishwasher part, or the crown jewels of Bannemar."

"Mace said something funny, then, he said 'about 15 pounds'." Qui-Gon noted, and surveyed the street. "Do you understand fashion any better than I do, Master?"

Dooku glanced only briefly at the two distinct groups milling about in the lane. Absolutely preposterous coats and dull gray ones, neither of which pleased him in the slightest. "I expect that's irrelevant, Qui-Gon. You know there's an anarchist gathering?"

"I suppose they might have taken whatever it is we're looking for?" The two Jedi began to walk down the street, but were obliged by the crowd on the sidewalk to stop, directly in front of the door to a public fresher. 

A boy in Master Sunlighter garb, of which there was a surprising amount in this town, piped up "It's not comic books you're looking for, is it?"

The two Jedi exchanged a glance, both mentally cursing their (grand)master and Mace Windu for their reticence on details.

"I don't think so," Qui-Gon admitted cautiously.

"Because I met a magician who took mine," the child said fawningly.

"I rather doubt this was stolen by a magician," Dooku explained, but became distracted at the sight of a man detained by local security forces being walked down the street. "But I wonder what he did, and if he's anything to do with it."

"Ooh, Jedi!" A young Muun exclaimed in a giggly voice. 

"Yes, Jedi." Qui-Gon admitted, seeming nevertheless to rue the statement.

One of the Muun's companions, also fairly young, asked "Say, you wouldn't happen to know where the 'Longfield Convention Hall' is, Master Jedi?"

Dooku almost said he hadn't a clue, but Qui-Gon frowned, and stepped over such that he could see the previous topic of his examination again. That drew Dooku's gaze as well, and he noticed that most of the occupants were male and wore either the dull gray coats or clothing featuring the likes of Master Sunlighter and his ilk or else their symbols.

"I rather think it's over there," Qui-Gon said doubtfully, looking at the Muuns and confirming visually that they were female.

"Those," said one of the two older Muuns, raising a hairless brow in disdain, "are not horticulturists, florists, _or_ botanists. I certify it."

The other looked at a flimsi brochure and shook her head. "There must be some mistake indeed. Everyone talks about the garden displays in front of the doors, Sina. It cannot be here, but it's supposed to be. This is the right date and everything."

Sina, the disdainful Muun offered her hand, albeit in the manner of a grand lady to be kissed, to the Jedi and introduced herself "Sina Damask. And... Tema Damask." She nodded towards the one with the brochure.

Tema suggested, brightly "We could go to the anarchist gathering."

"Why in the galaxy should we do _that_?" Sina retorted.

"It would be more interesting than--" she waved vaguely at the convention hall "--that."

"But dangerous," the giggly youth objected.

Dooku was not enormously partial to the company of Muuns, but he automatically supposed that volunteering to escort them through a dangerous event would give them pretext to be there. "We were just going there," he said, with a pointed glance at Qui-Gon "in search of a stolen item. We could escort you."

They considered for only a moment before nodding. Only Qui-Gon looked back and saw that the small Zabrak boy, holding a comic that did not seem to feature Master Sunlighter, was watching them go.

* * *

Palpatine was near panic. He had absolutely no idea who had snatched the Force sensitive baby or where they had gone with the child, and under the circumstances he was unsure who to trust. Furthermore, something in him rebelled at breaking disguises to get help from his fellow Sith, partly out of embarrassment.

It finally occurred to him as he wandered watchfully down another nearby street that there actually was nothing suspicious about searching for the child you had been taking care of...except that this was a child the Jedi obviously wanted, and he had no idea what sort of efforts they might be putting forth to find the kid.

He was startled by a brusque "You there!" and stood stock still in surprise as a taller man, in similar garb to his own ridiculous outfit, including the coat (yet in a quite different and equally bad palette) strode towards him, a young woman at his side and... the infant in his arms.

"Did you lose this child?" the man demanded.

The baby blinked up at Palpatine with wide blue eyes and snatched his finger firmly.

"I did," Sidious allowed breathlessly.

"Doctor, this is--" the young woman began.

"I suppose the old woman was probably colorblind or something, couldn't tell us apart. Excellent vest, though. Good health to you and the child." And he placed the infant in the Sith's arms and walked away.

It slowly occurred to Sidious that it might have been easier for the two of them, though nothing alike, to be confused through description, because they both had light hair that was neither extremely short, nor aptly described as long, unlike most of the crowd he had seen earlier, and it turned out that the particular fashion they seemed to be emulating had veered to cool colors for trousers, while both of their garments could almost pass for 'orange'.

"I can't endanger you anymore," he told the baby, even as his mind turned to the previously interrupted intentions of a meal. "I don't think I'm learning anything particularly useful either."

* * *

"This-- _this_ will be our calling card," the speaker was thundering. It was no longer necessary to be inside the hall to hear the speech. Plagueis rolled his eyes at the pine branches above him and weighed whether he was more likely to get soaked outside their shelter or snag the precious shawl on the bark. Maul was safely ensconced in a perch in two low branches that made a V, reading Kohlnap's electromagnetic superhero comic and wearing the noise-excluding earbuds Plagueis typically kept for going to certain sorts of races with Palpatine. They seemed less good against amplified speech, though.

On the other hand--this was precisely the information he had come for, that these odd and militantly pro-Jedi people were planning on attacking a bunch of anarchists whose primary legal violation was probably unlicensed food vending or something. It was easy to tell they were hurting no one. Furthermore, listening to the locals for a few minutes had confirmed that they were a return event, and one most people didn't mind. He couldn't remember the details to say whether this situation was particularly ironic in light of Bane or not.

Also, well--his mother _was visiting_ the event they were targeting! Maul had just told him. And Tenebrous was there. Damask strained to hear every word, hoping that catching any detail was more vital right now than rushing into action without the knowledge.

* * *

"Help me here, Ris. I am not actually an experienced funnel cake cook," Tenebrous admitted. Lizzy grinned at the awkward but utterly apt turn of phrase, and the Besalisk launched into a demonstration with two of her arms while stifling a giggle with a third. 

The Bith was a little surprised to realize he didn't much mind the situation, the dusting of flour and sugar everywhere, the spattering oil... Rugess Nome generally tried to act unbending, and that might have been better avoided given the small Sith lineage/family he had built. 

Well over an hour disappeared into a blur of golden brown dough, chit chat about the intervening years, a debate with the next food stall over food and political philosophy. Perhaps it was nearing three hours. And then a familiar face, a Muun, appeared at the window.

"Hello, Rugess," she said.

He did not know why Hego's mother had shown up here; it did not seem a good idea and were those _Jedi_ with her?!

"Ris--I have to go," he said abruptly, and stepped out the side to reach Tema.

"You didn't have to leave. I suggested this because there seems to be a mix-up about the flower show, and Bane knows--" he winced; there were _Jedi_. "this should be more interesting than the talks in town."

The problem, much as it grated on him, was not that he or his fellows would be suspected as Sith. The problem was that when a pro-Jedi group might well be planning on attacking the gathering and in any case were fomenting enmity against them, actual Jedi in the middle of said gathering were likely to at least be heckled, if not driven out. And heckled Jedi might be unpredictable. Also they doubtless had opposing intentions regarding the baby he had snatched from one of their council members. Who steals a baby, but Jedi?

"But Jedi--" he began, and got no further, because the one in the darker garb walked up.

"Have you seen any suspicious behaviour? Something small and valuable has been stolen," the man asked brusquely.

Trying to unsuspiciously avoid scrutiny of his tattoos (But there were ...civilians who were interested in Sith arcana), Tenebrous shrugged, indicating a tent beyond the food court with "fully legalize spice!" and similar signs all over it, and even the general area. 

"But--anyone rushing to a meeting?"

And it suddenly occurred to Tenebrous that the Jedi were searching for the baby, but for some reason hadn't been informed it was a baby they sought.

* * *

"Just follow your nose, Peri, follow your nose to the glorious food of the fair. And ignore those vile blackguards in gray jackets," the Doctor declaimed, and then abruptly halted. 

A woman in very regal robes and a woman in utilitarian, nearly ragged clothes, were standing together, similarly still, across the road. All four stared at the same scene.

"You old fool! You intervened in a _Jedi_ matter!" A pair of men in what were clearly security officer uniforms were berating the woman from earlier, the one who had wished them health.

"Who are the Jedi, Doctor?" Peri whispered.

A third woman, in a formal suit, joined the duo across the street and they held a whispered conversation.

But the Doctor did not answer her, was too busy identifying the pair of handcuffed men beyond the officers. He abruptly took off his coat, and Peri recognized them as the couple who had helped the baby.

"Sort of like the CIA, sort of like the Knights of the Round Table. But with laser swords," he muttered reluctantly. "Let us sate our stomachs, Perpugillam, and reconoiter before we move to help. To rush in uniformed would be unwise."

Peri almost rolled her eyes at him, but her stomach growled in protest, and she obeyed his earlier suggestion, glancing back every few minutes at the scene that was unfolding. _Must be a pretty important baby_ , she thought.

"Hey," the Doctor said to an alien boy in a tree, "would you hold on to this for me?" And he tossed the boy a little display, smaller than a credit card and slightly similar to a pocketwatch.

"What is that?" Peri asked.

"Well, with the chameleon circuit in vehicular mode, and presuming I have a map of the surrounding area, if I can triangulate her location consistently, I can bring the TARDIS to us. In case we need to leave."

* * *

Thankfully the Force gave Palpatine a premonition, if an unsettling one, of security officers heavily armed with blasters and Jedi chasing him.

There were not, however, a lot of options. "Well. Needs must," he said, and started one of several speeders with the Force, securing the infant in the passenger compartment just in time for a police speeder containing Yoda (waving his gimmer stick wildly), two officers, and Mace Windu to speed into view.

**Author's Note:**

> tbc...
> 
> (n.b. I have absolutely no idea what the DNA fragment referenced would code for; it's 100% fabrication, and I am less of a bio nerd than those two)


End file.
